“When I was 18 years old, I took a semester off from college and was an intern at Late Night With Conan O’Brien. It was the most glamorous job I ever had, and I idolized the writers there. I remember lying in bed every night telling myself that if I ever got a job as a comedy writer, I would be so happy and all my dreams would have come true. Six years later I got that job, working on The Office. I felt incredibly happy and grateful for a about a week, and then a whole new set of complaints set in. This would’ve shocked and disgusted my 18-year-old self. It’s helpful to remember the younger version of me because it reminds me to feel grateful when I want to be snotty. Also a little scary because obviously, happiness for me does not come from career success alone.”-Mindy Kaling

C's Collected Dating Wisdom, Vol 2

More advice from C:

• Boys are so unwieldy.
• It’s up to you if you want to pursue further.  I mean you can just have fun for the time being.
• It's a waste of breath to go all the way back to someone's place just to make out.
• I think you maybe need to think of it this way: if he's a tool and doesn't call/talk to you, he's not worth your time.  Live by my mantra: if a guy doesn't make the effort to contact you, he's not worth it.
• Are you sure that you like him, or are you rationalizing your actions?  Like, “I went pretty far with him physically, I must like him”?
• I think it's really easy to lose sight of personal happiness and let your happiness be dictated by the men in your life.  DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.
• I think that when I was obsessing over boys I lost sight of making myself happy and doing the things I needed and it became all about guys.  But that is my experience, and I am just warning you that it is a slippery slope.
• And don't you think he's anxious and uncomfortable too?
• Let him make moves.  I know you like to take control....but just let him.
• You need to drop this plan shit.  I think you need to acknowledge how beneficial not having a plan CAN be.   I'm not trying to say that it is always the best route, like obviously, it can sometimes blow up in your face.  But that's how you learn!
• Ok you're right.  He's probably not that wonderful and he's probably slightly dumb, and a boy.  And not god's gift to women or the male lead in my rom com.
• You guys are totally gonna make out.  Oh em gee.

Feeling Frustrated. and Confused. and Unsure. and Twenty-Something.

Well I'm into my last week of work (woooohooooo!). Unfortunately, during this week I have to work 11 hour days almost everyday.  Considering that (I think) things with my most recent gentleman caller have totally petered out in the most disappointing way, you'd think I'd welcome a little distraction.  Instead I am full of a mix of emotions.  On the subway this evening (did I get off at 8 pm tonight....yepppppp, fml), I saw my reflection in the window facing me and this is literally what I looked like: head cocked to the side, mouth slightly open, hair slightly messed, blank/dead eyes staring into the distance, and an "I don't give a fuck" aura.  Trust me, not even the crazy homeless people that wildly gesture and make conversation with unwilling participants would have engaged me.

Basically, in recent days, I've had to take the role of the two people who are "above me" in the workplace ladder.  Yes, that means that I am doing my job, two other people's jobs, AND training a new person for a job I'm not qualified for.  11 hours a day, every day (this week...and part of next).  Do I want to kill myself on the daily? Yes.  Am I sooooooo freaking ready to hit the road? HELLLLZZ YES.  Somehow I kind of just keep forgetting that I'm done after next Tuesday though.  And isn't that just life?  Things are sometimes so dark and abysmal that you just can't see the light at the end of the very short tunnel.  Like I was saying a few posts ago, it just kind of feels nothing will ever change and I will be alone forever (or in this case in a shitty job forever).  Clearly this is not the case, clearly I am DONE with the terrible job next week.  It just doesn't seem real.

I guess I need to just start looking on the bright side and expecting change, rather than assuming it will never come around.  I think that's my biggest fault in the real world, I just don't always understand the change going on in my life....even the change I, myself, am creating.  Being a big kid is just super weird and disorienting.  Maybe sometime soon I'll be able to correlate moves I make to be happy with impending positive consequences of those moves.  Meh, I'll probably just keep wandering around aimlessly in the city eating as much meat, and drinking as much beer as humanly possible.....if I ever get time off work.

C's Collected Dating Wisdom, Vol 1

I went through some gchats between myself and C when my boyf and I first started dating in order to give C some of her own advice about that weird, awkward, beginning period with a new boy.  This is for everyone, but especially for C.

• Men suck.  This is why women own and run everything.  This is why the advice in He's Just Not That Into You is flawed: "if he likes you, he'll make it happen."  Men are fucking lazy, especially men our age.  And they're used to girls/women just doing everything.
• I think you need to not give a fuck.
• But I think you should continually ask yourself this question: how engaged is he in who I am? And what I’m doing?  And how interested in his life am I demonstrating myself to be?
• You should take a step back and think logically and not make this the be all, end all.  Because there really are a zillion other fish in the sea
• Yeah, [going on awkward first/second/third dates] blows.  But this is the path you're going to have to travel.
• This is not rocket science.  He likes you.  He's just trying to be semi aloof.
• Just freaking be like “we should hang out this weekend.”  And if he doesn't want to, he'll blow it off.
• Yeah, I know you want a boyfriend.  But you don't want a shitty boyfriend.  And you certainly don't want one that makes you plan everything.
• I mean, there are lots of guys out there that will jump to date you, but in the end guys that are easy to date are more hassle later on.  So you have to deal with a bunch of time consuming/exhausting crap regardless.
• Men who are easy to date are just more time consuming exhausting crap on the backend of things.
• Again I go back to my old mantra: boys are stupid.

Commitment: If Barbie Can Do It So Can You

"There are plenty of other fish in the sea!"

I live in New York City.  NYC has a population of 8.4 million people (approximately), 48% of the population is male.  Therefore, there are approximately 4 million men in New York City.  I don't have the figures on how many of those men are single.  But my point is this: there are literally more men in New York City than one woman could go through in eight lifetimes.  There are plenty of fish in the sea indeed!

One might think that this is awesome! No matter what happens, you can just nix one guy and move on to the next like it ain't no thang.  While, yes this is empirically true, this is a TERRIBLE way to think! I like to think of it this way: when you have just one piece of chocolate, you savor that chocolate, you take your time eating it, you taste every ounce of it.  However, if you have a huge box of chocolates you gobble them down like it's your job then you feel horrible nauseous and/or guilty about it moments later.  Men are just like chocolate in this case.  Women (myself included) roll through town, making out with gentlemen left and right, barely giving any of them the time of day, and they end up without anyone.  This loneliness is even more frustrating because there are sooooo many of them!

I'm not saying that men don't do this exact same thing, they probably do....although, I think they are often (genuinely) too busy bro-ing out / teabagging their best friend to notice.  Mutual attraction and dedication to starting something has to come from both sides.  If you are bouncing around town looking for Mr. Right anywhere that he might be, you're not going to find him.   You need to be looking for who IS right for you, not some mythical being who probably doesn't exist.  Connections are great, hard to fake, but easy to misunderstand--but those connections aren't going to happen if you're continually searching for the next best thing.  So if your type is "hotter/smarter/more successful than the last loser," maybe you're not doing something right.  If your only qualm with someone really great is that there are (probably) better guys out there, maybe you're not ready. So I urge you (and myself) to think, not about who else is out there, but who is in front of you....and if that's a person you really want to be in front of you long term.

Today Was a Big Big Day For B and C Learn to Compromise!

"Things are more like they are now than they ever were before. " -Dwight D. Eisenhower

I like to sometimes think of my life as a children's book geared toward new adults.  Is this absurd? Absolutely.  Is it somewhat appropriate? Maybe! Being a young twenty something fresh out of college is kind of like being a child on their way to adulthood (aka the sixth grade). [Editor's Note: Both B and I, in the sixth grade, thought we were adults.  Like: "Welp! I'm in middle school now, I must be an adult!"]  Something I have been learning a lot about up until now has been compromise.  I've noticed that there is a HUGE difference between what I feel and what I know up in that old brain of mine.  This is a very hard concept for many people to grasp.  It is also a very delicate balancing act that we all must participate in (heyyyyo circus of life!).  One very large element of this daring balancing act is of course compromise.

I'll give some examples: when I was but a young 20 year old I had a friend who had a crush.  I did not know about this crush until I had already started drunkenly chatting him up outside of a fraternity on a blustery January night.  She then proceeded to capture my attention and tell me "anyone but him, I've had a crush on him for forever."  Because I'm kind of a bitch and was (am?) a lot immature, I manipulated her into agreeing that it was fine and that I shouldn't worry about it a couple hours later.  This led to a short relationship, a terrible finale, and losing a few really close friends.  Was it worth it? Absolutely not.  Would I ever do it again? Not in a thousand years!  So even though that idiotic action led to disaster, I learned a lot from it and like to spread that wisedom to others when the situation allows.  If ever placed in this situation again I would learn the compromise: which is forget the guy and do not compromise your friendships / crush your friends dreams.

Similarly, learn to compromise with society.  I am a little crazy (who isn't ammmirighhht?!), and I like to do whatever the f#@k I want regardless of social conventions and the opinions of others.  As an adult, I've had to realize that perhaps this is not the best course of action.  UNLESS, your goal is to be the creepiest person on the bus/subway/other method of public transit, then you should go absolutely throw caution to the wind!  When it comes to guys, I normally just did whatever I want regardless if it was creepy or weird.  Once out in the real world, I realized perhaps this is not the best option.  So I learned that I should not friend someone who is not searchable on facebook and uses their middle name in lieu of their last name (the only way you found them was because your friend searched for mutual friends and looked for someone with his first name and school information that matched your knowledge of his background).  That would be creepy.  But in this day and age, you know what else is creepy?  Hanging out with a gentleman for a month and be excluded from his online identity.  However, I must choose the lesser of two awkwards and refrain from the creepster friend.  Instead B suggested I casually bring up being gchat friends, that being a very direct and nonawkward topic to broach (since we've already discussed his habit of spending the day on gchat).  I will take your compromise madam!...but I'm still going to grumble about how weird it is that we're not facebook friends.

So there you have it.  As an adult you cautiously walk the path between fEeLiNgZ and reason and choose your best footing, using the best tool out there: compromise.  I think the best way to find those compromises is to acknowledge your feelings (I know, gross right? Plus feelings are hard) and to attempt to apply reasonable actions to them.  In summation, being a grown up is harrrrrd.

The Waiting Game

From the wise, wise pages of Wikipedia:
Patience is the state of endurance under difficult circumstances, which can mean persevering in the face of delay or provocation without acting on annoyance/anger in a negative way; or exhibiting forbearance when under strain, especially when faced with longer-term difficulties. Patience is the level of endurance one's character can take before negativity. It is also used to refer to the character trait of being steadfast. Antonyms include hastiness and impetuousness.

In the grown up word there is a lot of waiting.  This waiting often comes when you are in no position to want to wait: waiting on approval for you new apartment, waiting to hear back from the job you just interviewed for, waiting for men to text/call you back.  Yes, lots and lots of waiting.  I seriously hate waiting.  I am probably the LEAST patient person on the face of the earth.  Thus, when forced into a state of wait, I become a petulant, insane child.

I just got a new job (YAY!).  But! On the way to this job I had to go through three interviews. THREE! After each interview I was nervous and anxious hoping to God that they liked me, going over and over in my head the things that I said, that they said.  Finally, I got the call today that they did in fact like me and that they hoped to bring me aboard! What great news!

If only relationships were this easy (WHAT?! Getting a job in this economy?! You're trying to tell me that getting a job is easy?!....My response: Have you recently tried getting a man in this social economy of virtually ubiquitous Peter Pans??)  But the exact part I'm talking about is the one two punch of interviews.  The prosepective goes on anywhere between one and three interviews (dates, let's be real), and by the end a decision is made!  The best part? They CALL you to tell you what they've decided! How great! How modern!

Dating seems (from my limited experience) to be so muddled, confusing, and irritating that I halfway want to throw in the towel.  It feels like nothing is ever going to work out and I'll probably be alone forever (an object at rest stays at rest, etc), but I know that this isn't empirically true....a force almost always acts upon that object at rest. Right? Right.  But needless to say, here I am waiting (again) to see if that force will act against that object and things will move into motion.  However, how long before I know they're in motion? Like for sure.  Like indefinitely? Like exclusively? God only knows.  Perhaps after the eleventh interview we can just assume I got the job...or didn't.  I guess I'll just have to wait and see.