C's Collected Dating Wisdom, Vol 1

I went through some gchats between myself and C when my boyf and I first started dating in order to give C some of her own advice about that weird, awkward, beginning period with a new boy.  This is for everyone, but especially for C.

• Men suck.  This is why women own and run everything.  This is why the advice in He's Just Not That Into You is flawed: "if he likes you, he'll make it happen."  Men are fucking lazy, especially men our age.  And they're used to girls/women just doing everything.
• I think you need to not give a fuck.
• But I think you should continually ask yourself this question: how engaged is he in who I am? And what I’m doing?  And how interested in his life am I demonstrating myself to be?
• You should take a step back and think logically and not make this the be all, end all.  Because there really are a zillion other fish in the sea
• Yeah, [going on awkward first/second/third dates] blows.  But this is the path you're going to have to travel.
• This is not rocket science.  He likes you.  He's just trying to be semi aloof.
• Just freaking be like “we should hang out this weekend.”  And if he doesn't want to, he'll blow it off.
• Yeah, I know you want a boyfriend.  But you don't want a shitty boyfriend.  And you certainly don't want one that makes you plan everything.
• I mean, there are lots of guys out there that will jump to date you, but in the end guys that are easy to date are more hassle later on.  So you have to deal with a bunch of time consuming/exhausting crap regardless.
• Men who are easy to date are just more time consuming exhausting crap on the backend of things.
• Again I go back to my old mantra: boys are stupid.

Hint of Salt, Shot of Tequila, Adulthood Chaser

Tequila. Ouch.

In New York City there are many ways to experience the city: going out to bars, sightseeing, taking a famed yellow cab, overpaying for drinks, food, anything in Times Square, etc.  I live in NYC and I am an adult (last I checked), so some of these things are not for me (see: anything touristy).

In the spirit of B's post, about how being twenty-something is a mixed bag of adulthood and irresponsible/immature childish behavior, I am going to recap my weekend.  Last weekend I had a revelation, going out to bars does not always have to mean going out on the prowl.  There IS such a thing as going out, not looking for a member of the opposite sex, and just having fun generally.  I know that this is a novel and strange idea, but just go with me.

I would like to preface my story of the weekend with these preponderances about dating:
Being twenty-something and single is confusing.  On the one hand, I am very used to the way things worked at my college: drunkenly make out with someone you've heard of before (see: small campus), hook up with them (extra long twin bed WHOOP WHOOP!), exchange numbers, continue to hook up several weekends in a row, and finally be exclusively hooking up for perhaps the rest of the term (#NOTADULT).  On the other hand, I AM an adult now (or so I'm told) and I should be following a more mature set of steps towards coupledom.  I am fairly sure that these steps are: meet at some random location that is not a bar (so far step one has COMPLETELY eluded me in my adult life), exchange pleasant banter and digits, party #1 calls party #2 on the telephone (step three, also seeming very mythological to me) and sets up drinks at a point in the near future, date #1 is had, more dates are had, there is a discussion about exclusivity, and then you're dating...like Facebook official...like indefinitely (decidedly #adult).

So I went out Saturday night with the intention of just having a good time, meeting some new [PLATONIC] friends, and getting a little wastey-face (notice how I said "A LITTLE").  This idea =  verrrry #adult. The previous weekend I had made out with a young, finance gentleman at a bar (#notadult), and he had taken my number so we could hang out sometime.  I find that young gentlemen that find their way into my life are also quite baffled by the ways of twenty-something dating.  They, too, are torn between the ways they're used to (see: boning on twin size bed) and the ways of adults (see: dating).  When a guy says (cough texts) "Let's hang out some time," that could mean either let's meet up at 2 am and go back to my place and bone on my futon (#NOTadult) or let me take you to this secret, underground, amazing speakeasy bar in the East Village and we can talk for a couple hours and decide if this is worth the time, energy, and money (#adult).  So far, I'm led to believe that gentlemen met in bars are decidedly in favor of the former plan of action.

I started the night off with plans to meet an old acquaintance at her friend's apartment, which was only a block from mine.  She just so happened to tell me to go up to 2G and NOT 2H, 2G being the complete wrong apartment full of strangers.  I knocked on the door and was ushered inside.  New York City is not famed for it's large apartments, so I think we can all assume what this apartment looked like.  That being said, I was face to face with ten completely random strangers, none of whom were my friend.  I laughed and played it off and they were friendly enough to demand that I partake of a beer with them.  It was altogether not horrible and it turned out that many of the strangers actually knew people I know (heyyooooo NYC being a small world).  So with incredible poise and grace, I made the best of a decisively awkward situation (#adult) and chugged down that Bud Light (#NotAdult).

After making it to the CORRECT apartment, I proceded to make polite conversation and be generally friendly.  We then ventured to a bar on the Lower East Side, where I took not one, but many, tequila shots.  Whoever invented tequila must have hated mankind.  By the end of the night I was wandering aimlessly through the bar, nearly blackout drunk.  At that point I'd had wine, beer, whiskey, tequila, more beer, more whiskey, more tequila...in short, nightmare.  Mixing alcohols: #NOTadult.  Typically in such a state of disarray, I would do something stupid: see drunk text messaging, making out with strangers, saying mean things to people I just meant, brutal honesty, hooking up with people I KNOW I shouldn't, etc etc etc etc. I did walk up to a guy who was standing semi near a girl (AND GROUP OF PEOPLE) and hit on him only to find out he was "kind of seeing" the girl he was standing near.  That's a little embarrassing, but not altogether horrible.  It's definitely been worse! (Sad? Should I not admit that?)  The finance gentleman texted me a bit with a desire to come meet me, but his friends weren't cooperating so I made it out of the bar without temptation of a late night hang out.

I made it home in one piece and didn't do anything that made me feel too awful the next day....except for all the tequila, and beer, and whiskey.....welllll maybe Sunday wasn't so pretty after all.  I actually wanted to die Sunday and thought I actually might, but luckily it wasn't from embarrassment, it was just alcohol poisoning.  Victory!....right?