Feeling Frustrated. and Confused. and Unsure. and Twenty-Something.

Well I'm into my last week of work (woooohooooo!). Unfortunately, during this week I have to work 11 hour days almost everyday.  Considering that (I think) things with my most recent gentleman caller have totally petered out in the most disappointing way, you'd think I'd welcome a little distraction.  Instead I am full of a mix of emotions.  On the subway this evening (did I get off at 8 pm tonight....yepppppp, fml), I saw my reflection in the window facing me and this is literally what I looked like: head cocked to the side, mouth slightly open, hair slightly messed, blank/dead eyes staring into the distance, and an "I don't give a fuck" aura.  Trust me, not even the crazy homeless people that wildly gesture and make conversation with unwilling participants would have engaged me.

Basically, in recent days, I've had to take the role of the two people who are "above me" in the workplace ladder.  Yes, that means that I am doing my job, two other people's jobs, AND training a new person for a job I'm not qualified for.  11 hours a day, every day (this week...and part of next).  Do I want to kill myself on the daily? Yes.  Am I sooooooo freaking ready to hit the road? HELLLLZZ YES.  Somehow I kind of just keep forgetting that I'm done after next Tuesday though.  And isn't that just life?  Things are sometimes so dark and abysmal that you just can't see the light at the end of the very short tunnel.  Like I was saying a few posts ago, it just kind of feels nothing will ever change and I will be alone forever (or in this case in a shitty job forever).  Clearly this is not the case, clearly I am DONE with the terrible job next week.  It just doesn't seem real.

I guess I need to just start looking on the bright side and expecting change, rather than assuming it will never come around.  I think that's my biggest fault in the real world, I just don't always understand the change going on in my life....even the change I, myself, am creating.  Being a big kid is just super weird and disorienting.  Maybe sometime soon I'll be able to correlate moves I make to be happy with impending positive consequences of those moves.  Meh, I'll probably just keep wandering around aimlessly in the city eating as much meat, and drinking as much beer as humanly possible.....if I ever get time off work.