“I love men more than anything. I want all men to be happy and have rad women in their lives. But guys need women who challenge them and don’t let them get away with their shit. Women, conversely, need to not be crazy bitches who blow up when their guys tell them something that scares them.” -Cameron Diaz in Maxim Magazine

Talking Points:

Preface: So far I’ve done this twice.  Once for B, when she was meeting W (boyfriend)’s friends at the most magnificent event of all time, the Virginia Gold Cup. [Editor’s Note: I have never been to this event but based on various evidence provided to me by B, it involves all my favorite things: prepsters, booze, funny/big hats, and debauchery masquerading as class] The second time I did this was for K when she was getting nervous about her date for hot lawyer.  So I’m going to do it again for sake of the blog.

You will say hello, you will smile lots.  They will think you are friendly, amiable even. 

You will ask how their day went.  They will ask about yours.

You will say it was long but fine.  You are enjoying your job, and getting more responsibility, which you like.

They will ask what you do.  You will say you have an entry-level job that you might not love, but that will be a great starting point for your illustrious career in success.

You will ask what they do.  You will listen politely, you will nod, and you will smile when they make some kind of small joke about it.

You will ask where they went to college, and how they liked it.  You will ask what they were involved in.  What they liked about the place.  What they miss the most.

You will offer similar insights.  You will talk about your clubs/classes/favorite professors/funniest frat party happenings.

You will move away from talking about college because you are scared to seem too obsessed with your college career.  You will effortlessly move to the next topic, showing that you loved your collegiate persona, but you’re ready to grow up.

You will talk about what you enjoy doing.  You might talk about what you’re reading and how you came about buying/borrowing it in the first place.

He will probably talk about sports, which will inevitably be disinteresting to you; but you will feign ignorance, because you are friendly. 

You’ll laugh and drink and maybe be just a little bit tipsy off two drinks but that will be ok and it will make conversation easier.

It will be a fun date/meeting/event/happy hour and you will leave feeling a glow in your cheeks and happy that you met someone new…regardless of whether this person will be making one or many appearances in your future.

Big Kid Challenge

Have Michael Jackson's "The Way You Make Me Feel" come on your iPod as you walk down the sidewalk to work.  Try NOT to pretend you're Jodie Sawyer performing in Cooper Neilson's ballet. 

 

It's impossible.  And mildly embarrassing.

[C Ed. Note: Def bringing B some cookies when I come visit Memorial Day weekend....you know....for next time.]

“When I was 18 years old, I took a semester off from college and was an intern at Late Night With Conan O’Brien. It was the most glamorous job I ever had, and I idolized the writers there. I remember lying in bed every night telling myself that if I ever got a job as a comedy writer, I would be so happy and all my dreams would have come true. Six years later I got that job, working on The Office. I felt incredibly happy and grateful for a about a week, and then a whole new set of complaints set in. This would’ve shocked and disgusted my 18-year-old self. It’s helpful to remember the younger version of me because it reminds me to feel grateful when I want to be snotty. Also a little scary because obviously, happiness for me does not come from career success alone.”-Mindy Kaling

C's Collected Dating Wisdom, Vol 2

More advice from C:

• Boys are so unwieldy.
• It’s up to you if you want to pursue further.  I mean you can just have fun for the time being.
• It's a waste of breath to go all the way back to someone's place just to make out.
• I think you maybe need to think of it this way: if he's a tool and doesn't call/talk to you, he's not worth your time.  Live by my mantra: if a guy doesn't make the effort to contact you, he's not worth it.
• Are you sure that you like him, or are you rationalizing your actions?  Like, “I went pretty far with him physically, I must like him”?
• I think it's really easy to lose sight of personal happiness and let your happiness be dictated by the men in your life.  DO NOT LET THAT HAPPEN.
• I think that when I was obsessing over boys I lost sight of making myself happy and doing the things I needed and it became all about guys.  But that is my experience, and I am just warning you that it is a slippery slope.
• And don't you think he's anxious and uncomfortable too?
• Let him make moves.  I know you like to take control....but just let him.
• You need to drop this plan shit.  I think you need to acknowledge how beneficial not having a plan CAN be.   I'm not trying to say that it is always the best route, like obviously, it can sometimes blow up in your face.  But that's how you learn!
• Ok you're right.  He's probably not that wonderful and he's probably slightly dumb, and a boy.  And not god's gift to women or the male lead in my rom com.
• You guys are totally gonna make out.  Oh em gee.

Feeling Frustrated. and Confused. and Unsure. and Twenty-Something.

Well I'm into my last week of work (woooohooooo!). Unfortunately, during this week I have to work 11 hour days almost everyday.  Considering that (I think) things with my most recent gentleman caller have totally petered out in the most disappointing way, you'd think I'd welcome a little distraction.  Instead I am full of a mix of emotions.  On the subway this evening (did I get off at 8 pm tonight....yepppppp, fml), I saw my reflection in the window facing me and this is literally what I looked like: head cocked to the side, mouth slightly open, hair slightly messed, blank/dead eyes staring into the distance, and an "I don't give a fuck" aura.  Trust me, not even the crazy homeless people that wildly gesture and make conversation with unwilling participants would have engaged me.

Basically, in recent days, I've had to take the role of the two people who are "above me" in the workplace ladder.  Yes, that means that I am doing my job, two other people's jobs, AND training a new person for a job I'm not qualified for.  11 hours a day, every day (this week...and part of next).  Do I want to kill myself on the daily? Yes.  Am I sooooooo freaking ready to hit the road? HELLLLZZ YES.  Somehow I kind of just keep forgetting that I'm done after next Tuesday though.  And isn't that just life?  Things are sometimes so dark and abysmal that you just can't see the light at the end of the very short tunnel.  Like I was saying a few posts ago, it just kind of feels nothing will ever change and I will be alone forever (or in this case in a shitty job forever).  Clearly this is not the case, clearly I am DONE with the terrible job next week.  It just doesn't seem real.

I guess I need to just start looking on the bright side and expecting change, rather than assuming it will never come around.  I think that's my biggest fault in the real world, I just don't always understand the change going on in my life....even the change I, myself, am creating.  Being a big kid is just super weird and disorienting.  Maybe sometime soon I'll be able to correlate moves I make to be happy with impending positive consequences of those moves.  Meh, I'll probably just keep wandering around aimlessly in the city eating as much meat, and drinking as much beer as humanly possible.....if I ever get time off work.

C's Collected Dating Wisdom, Vol 1

I went through some gchats between myself and C when my boyf and I first started dating in order to give C some of her own advice about that weird, awkward, beginning period with a new boy.  This is for everyone, but especially for C.

• Men suck.  This is why women own and run everything.  This is why the advice in He's Just Not That Into You is flawed: "if he likes you, he'll make it happen."  Men are fucking lazy, especially men our age.  And they're used to girls/women just doing everything.
• I think you need to not give a fuck.
• But I think you should continually ask yourself this question: how engaged is he in who I am? And what I’m doing?  And how interested in his life am I demonstrating myself to be?
• You should take a step back and think logically and not make this the be all, end all.  Because there really are a zillion other fish in the sea
• Yeah, [going on awkward first/second/third dates] blows.  But this is the path you're going to have to travel.
• This is not rocket science.  He likes you.  He's just trying to be semi aloof.
• Just freaking be like “we should hang out this weekend.”  And if he doesn't want to, he'll blow it off.
• Yeah, I know you want a boyfriend.  But you don't want a shitty boyfriend.  And you certainly don't want one that makes you plan everything.
• I mean, there are lots of guys out there that will jump to date you, but in the end guys that are easy to date are more hassle later on.  So you have to deal with a bunch of time consuming/exhausting crap regardless.
• Men who are easy to date are just more time consuming exhausting crap on the backend of things.
• Again I go back to my old mantra: boys are stupid.