Talking Points:

Preface: So far I’ve done this twice.  Once for B, when she was meeting W (boyfriend)’s friends at the most magnificent event of all time, the Virginia Gold Cup. [Editor’s Note: I have never been to this event but based on various evidence provided to me by B, it involves all my favorite things: prepsters, booze, funny/big hats, and debauchery masquerading as class] The second time I did this was for K when she was getting nervous about her date for hot lawyer.  So I’m going to do it again for sake of the blog.

You will say hello, you will smile lots.  They will think you are friendly, amiable even. 

You will ask how their day went.  They will ask about yours.

You will say it was long but fine.  You are enjoying your job, and getting more responsibility, which you like.

They will ask what you do.  You will say you have an entry-level job that you might not love, but that will be a great starting point for your illustrious career in success.

You will ask what they do.  You will listen politely, you will nod, and you will smile when they make some kind of small joke about it.

You will ask where they went to college, and how they liked it.  You will ask what they were involved in.  What they liked about the place.  What they miss the most.

You will offer similar insights.  You will talk about your clubs/classes/favorite professors/funniest frat party happenings.

You will move away from talking about college because you are scared to seem too obsessed with your college career.  You will effortlessly move to the next topic, showing that you loved your collegiate persona, but you’re ready to grow up.

You will talk about what you enjoy doing.  You might talk about what you’re reading and how you came about buying/borrowing it in the first place.

He will probably talk about sports, which will inevitably be disinteresting to you; but you will feign ignorance, because you are friendly. 

You’ll laugh and drink and maybe be just a little bit tipsy off two drinks but that will be ok and it will make conversation easier.

It will be a fun date/meeting/event/happy hour and you will leave feeling a glow in your cheeks and happy that you met someone new…regardless of whether this person will be making one or many appearances in your future.

Why Dresses are the Downfall of Men

Dresses are the downfall of all men.  Want to know why?  As I recently told B: "to men dresses are like straight jackets with a big hole in a too obvious place.  It's like in adventure movies when the adventurer puts is hand in the mouth of some cave sculpture and it gets cut off."  My advice to her, some advice that I COMPLETELY forgot when it would have been applicable to my life last weekend, was this: DO NOT WEAR A SKIRT IF YOU ARE GONNA BE MACKIN' ON SOME GUY!  There is just nothing good about it.  It's an issue for the following reasons:

1. It's gets all twisted up to high heaven, and then you're like "my legs don't even go that way, how the hell..."

2. Men do not at all understand the workings of said garment.  Example: you could be wearing a very nice dress with a zip back (that is, for all intents and purposes IMPOSSIBLE to remove without unzipping) Your guy then attempts to pull lightly at the garment, in hopes that it will at least loosen...but NO! it is strong and will not budge.  Leaving him looking puzzled and a little unsure of his next move.  Thus you are forced to unzip the thing and take the whole thing off.  If you're wearing tights, you obviously have to take those off too, because how unflattering is a pair of tights and tights alone??  Nothing about a second skin of black spandex that is pulled up to your belly button says pretty to me.  Consequently you are very quickly in your underwear, which may be (and hopefully is) a lot more naked than you were originally planning to be.

3. To go along with number 2...easy below the belt access, impossible above the waist access.  This flow chart of accesibility does not mesh well with the several step system that should be hooking up.

That's all I really have, so perhaps a list was unnecessary...but what's done is done.  Moral of the story....skirts, great for looking fancy at work / maybe pretty grand for location hook ups (sex on a beach anyone??)....but not so great for beginning of the long road encounters.  Jeggings on the other hand....I'm totally in favor of those.

Surprise Surpise

My sister is coming to visit tomorrow.  Well she's actually leaving Colorado tonight and her flight arrives at JFK tomorrow morning at 6 am.  She'll most likely arrive at my apartment at the crack of dawn aka 7 am.  I am very excited for her visit, as is she.  My sister is much older than I am, 36 to  my 22.  Growing up she was like an aunt more than a sister.  She moved out of our childhood home when I was only 5 years old, and in with her (then) new husband.  Things have changed and time has marched on; she is no longer 18 and I am no longer 5.

After I came home from college I was an adult (!!!)....or at least I wanted to be.  I think finally being 22, finished with school, and on my way to branching out on my own made it possible for us to get close on a sisterly level....rather than the generationally gaped level we were on previously.  But anyway, my sister is coming and we are going to booze our faces off.  I was texting with my sister and she was asking questions concerning her upcoming visit:

"Is there a Victoria's Secret there?" Yes, this is NYC Sister. Hahaha.

"Can I use your shampoo/hair stuff/curling iron?" Absolutely.

"How cold is it there?" 57 degrees, cloudy with a chance of rain....per the weather app on my droid....you know, like the one you have...in your hand...right now.

"Can I wear your gray boots one night?" As long as I'm not planning on wearing them!

"Is there a Starbucks by your apartment?" Yeah it's just west two blocks.

The last question I assumed she asked because she's coming in at the freaking CRACK OF DAWN!  I have taken this flight (one way trip to NYC September 2k10 HOLLA'!), so I know how absolutely trecherous it is.  If you get stuck with a middle seat, your night will be a living hell.  (ESPECIALLY if you have mono, stitches from having a possibly cancerous portion of thine own flesh (!!!!) removed, strep throat, AND are feeling violently ill and weak because your body hates antibiotics.....but let's not make this about me)  So in my mind I was like "Ohhh she will probably want a blueberry streusel muffin and a piping hot peppermint mocha!"  .....nope.  That is not at all why my sister wanted to know where the closest Starbucks was.  My. sister. has. a. date.  In New York City.  A destination she is visiting....for four days.

What is more, "OMG C he is my future husband!" -Sister.  So, apparently he wants to take us out to dinner (I NEVER say no to a free meal, ESPECIALLY if it's from my future second bro-in-law...gotta start those ties (and expectations of free-loading) early!).  I hope my sister moves out here, then I can go bother her all the time and make her listen to me whine, then we can go out and get drinks.  Sounds wonderful.  If she moves out here, my dad is going to kill me.

New Theory #1

Things I like to do: read, write, chat with friends, daydream, think too much, craft (please refrain from making fun of me), play with my cellphone, theorize.

Theory of the day:

Research:
According to my sources, men spend approximately 10% of their conversations talking about women and 40% talking about sports. [Editor's Note: I only asked one person, so this percentage probably varies]

My approximation is that I spend 50% to most of my conversations with my friends talking about guys or guy related things.

Hypothesis: The time men spend talking about sports, women spend on talking about men.

Conclusion: Women need something like sports to occupy their time so they don't act so freaking crazy about men.

I have decided, based on the issues brought up from this theory that I am going to spend more time talking with my friends about their interests.  I am enthralled with the possibilities of conversation that doesn't revolve around men.  Sports are incredibly boring things to talk about / watch, so I am absolutely not going to try to go there...but, I think that this is a very valid goal.  My hope is that I can know my friends better and become more interested in their lives if I know more about them than how they act around/ concerning men.  I was gchatting with my friend K and I literally had to ask her what her interests were! Shouldn't I know this already?? We've been friends for years!  I'm not saying I'm going to eliminate men from my conversations with friends (that's just ludicrous and silly), but I do want to attempt to limit it to the 10% that it should be.  I am a college educated, intelligent, well-rounded woman!  Riddle me this, why should I spend all my time pondering the ins and outs of the male mind and absolutely no time pondering those same intricacies of my own mind?



Also [unrelated] post-script, new colloquialisms that I'm a fan of:
On the reg
Riddle me this
Totes jeal (and/or abbrevs in general)