Why Dresses are the Downfall of Men

Dresses are the downfall of all men.  Want to know why?  As I recently told B: "to men dresses are like straight jackets with a big hole in a too obvious place.  It's like in adventure movies when the adventurer puts is hand in the mouth of some cave sculpture and it gets cut off."  My advice to her, some advice that I COMPLETELY forgot when it would have been applicable to my life last weekend, was this: DO NOT WEAR A SKIRT IF YOU ARE GONNA BE MACKIN' ON SOME GUY!  There is just nothing good about it.  It's an issue for the following reasons:

1. It's gets all twisted up to high heaven, and then you're like "my legs don't even go that way, how the hell..."

2. Men do not at all understand the workings of said garment.  Example: you could be wearing a very nice dress with a zip back (that is, for all intents and purposes IMPOSSIBLE to remove without unzipping) Your guy then attempts to pull lightly at the garment, in hopes that it will at least loosen...but NO! it is strong and will not budge.  Leaving him looking puzzled and a little unsure of his next move.  Thus you are forced to unzip the thing and take the whole thing off.  If you're wearing tights, you obviously have to take those off too, because how unflattering is a pair of tights and tights alone??  Nothing about a second skin of black spandex that is pulled up to your belly button says pretty to me.  Consequently you are very quickly in your underwear, which may be (and hopefully is) a lot more naked than you were originally planning to be.

3. To go along with number 2...easy below the belt access, impossible above the waist access.  This flow chart of accesibility does not mesh well with the several step system that should be hooking up.

That's all I really have, so perhaps a list was unnecessary...but what's done is done.  Moral of the story....skirts, great for looking fancy at work / maybe pretty grand for location hook ups (sex on a beach anyone??)....but not so great for beginning of the long road encounters.  Jeggings on the other hand....I'm totally in favor of those.

Jeggings, A Love Letter

Dear Recently Purchased Jeggings,

I went into American Eagle expecting to find teenie bopper clothes and the costume jewelry esque earrings that I was searching for; however, there you were...sitting on the shelf...the answer to all of my prayers.  If you were a lady, I would say that your lady charm was potent and unmistakable.  Since you are not, I will suffice to say that you are soft, comfortable, and so perfect.

Jeggings, I love you most for your look.  While some jeggings are ugly and don't at all pull off the might be jeans look.  You, my dear dear jeggings, look exactly like jeans!  You make it possible for me to wear leggings as pants without the fear of judgement or the possibility of them being awkwardly see-through.  I am currently at work, basking in the the sweatpants-like comfort that you offer.  While it may appear that I am wearing jeans, I am not....I am wearing the most comfortable leggings-in-disguise-as-pants ensemble the world has to offer.

I look forward to our day together and our subsequent meetings and life together.  When you are worn and frayed, I will remember your dedication to me and my comfort.  I hope that this love affair will last until the end of time....or at least until jeggings aren't cool anymore.

Love,
C