Social Ps & Qs: The Subway

As K says, there are "apparently" a disproportionate number of single ladies to single gentlemen in the New York area.  (I hear this, but I swear, every single bar I go to....TOTAL dude fest...but I digress) This leads a gentlewoman to seeking out male interaction at every turn.  Because, God only knows when you will meet that special someone.  So on the subway, I always like to take a gander at my fellow travellors.  But, you will find that the subway is full of a very special mix of people.  When, long ago, they referred to the USA as a "melting pot," I am absolutely sure that they were referring to the NYC Subway System. 

You have your creepy middle-age guys that are TOTALLY staring at your boobs, your well to-do Burberry Coat wearing young women, your immigrants, your teen mothers (hey MTV...I've got a whole new spin off show for you!), your crazzzzzzy homeless people, and sometimes...just sometimes...your hot twenty something suit wearing young men.  Now the key to the subway is to look at all these people, formulate your judgements/hilarious backstories/gauge their attractiveness/etc etc.  BUT you can never make eye contact with these people.  Because I can tell you right now that eye contact is a big bundle of awkward that NOOOOO BODY wants to get into.  It was probably, mostly, totally fine that I was staring down this exceedingly attractive young gent on the subway this morning, but then we made eye contact and it was like the time/space continuum was ripping itself asunder. 

You aren't supposed to stare...your mother taught you that when you were a child, it's rude and probably the most awkward thing EVER.  But when you're on the subway, you are literally jammed up against your fellow travellors....your eyes have to go somewhere!  So you stare, and that's fine because no one is really seeing you stare at them.  Unless they do.  Then it kind of feels like your mama never taught you anything and you were raised by wolves.  Further issues with staring: no matter how much you want to, DO NOT LOSE CONTROL OF YOUR STARE WHEN GAZING UPON A CRAZY HOMELESS PERSON.  DO NOT.  If you make eye contact with a crazy homeless person on the subway, they will come talk to you.  I hate talking to strangers, I hate making "get to know you" type conversation with people I do not in fact know.  The idea of talking to a crazy, psychopathic, and drunk homeless person makes me want to tear off my own skin.

So moral of the story, things I've learned in New York so far: how to cook for myself (somewhat), how to go grocery shopping, how to carry a lot of heavy things for long distances (shopping in NYC is a death match in and of itself), and how to stealthily stare at people like an FBI agent on a covert mission.